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My eccentricities, which I once valued as parts of my unique self, became loathe. I was a child; I still believed in the inherent goodness of people and the world, as much as I said otherwise in fits of angst. A sociopath lacks empathy, and thus sees no reason to compromise his wants.If only I were better at wearing makeup, or cared more about fashion, or walked better in heels, or had more experience with sex, or had more “normal” interests, or, or, or…The self-doubt was endless,and if he knew about it, he fed it. When he admitted aloud to having raped a woman, I though he was telling a weird joke. That is what it’s like to be with a sociopath: Your worldview becomes so warped, you cannot tell reality from fantasy, or decipher the importance of actions versus words. He will only give if giving gains him something which he values more than what he is giving up.A personalty disorder, in general, is an inflexible (i.e: essentially unchanged by environment or circumstance) pattern of behaviors which affects thinking, behavior, relationships, and impulses. I liked that he didn’t conform to social norms; I just didn’t understand how far his nonconformity went. It got to the point that I was literally asking the trees if he still loved me, because I simply had no way of quantifying it. Had he just broken up with me without saying anything? He had taken a fourteen year old girl with no romantic interest in him and played a vicious back and forth with my self-esteem; skyrocketing it with declarations of perfect love, then completely destroying it, until I saw no place for myself in this world besides as his girlfriend.
I never believed I was pretty enough to deserve love. Part of the problem was my own obvious innocence, which he exploited. Whether it’s a romantic relationship, a familial relationship, a friendly relationship, or even a business relationship, empathy allows us to recognize the inherent value in the other person’s feelings, so that we can negotiate a mutually favorable experience.
I personally think more efforts should be made to identify sociopathy in adolescents; early identification could lead to early intervention, and caregivers would thus be better equipped to teach them how to integrate into society in ways they could understand. Desperate to be able to rely on him when I needed him.
Maybe doing some Pavlovian style social training, or something. Desperate to feel I could joke and play around and be myself without worrying I’d say the wrong thing and get beaten up. Romantically, sexually, physically; not even on a basic level.
Many people with this disorder use their wit and charm to further themselves into places of prominence within business or society.
I can’t imagine a sociopath ever being a pleasant romantic partner, except perhaps to another sociopath, but they don’t all behave like my ex.
“Sociopath.” It’s a word that gets thrown around a lot.