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Love is real and wanting to be married matters more to young people’s love lives than anything else, he says, “or whether you are beautiful or not so good looking.” Also see: Can you judge a man by his car (or his apartment)?
Every once in a while, I like to poll my readers on the Nerd Love Facebook Page and on Twitter to find out what issues they feel are holding them back when it comes to dating.
“I’d like to think that’s because, after a long life, they’ve learned that both looks and money can be fleeting but it’s the emotional connection you make with someone that sustains you,” says Abby Rodman, a psychotherapist in Boston.
Both genders reported nearly equally that being with someone physically attractive “to them” is important.
“I don’t think this is superficial at all,” says Jacqueline Whitmore, the founder of The Protocol School of Palm Beach.
“Speaking as a woman, most women of a certain age want security, but we also want someone who doesn’t look, act and dress like a troll.
But being large and in charge doesn’t mean that you’re doomed to a life of being forever alone; in fact, you may find that you have far more options for finding love, sex and happiness than you’d ever believe possible. There are plenty of notable examples out there if you look around. Seth Rogan is no Abercrombie and Fitch model but he’s also happily married.
Large dudes will frequently lament that their size automatically disqualifies them from dating – they believe that there is simply no way a woman could possibly like somebody who’s body isn’t rippled and shiny like a buttered ear of corn. Kevin Smith, for all of his fashion sins that I will get into in a second, is happily married with a lovely wife and daughter. It’s easy to forget this when the TV and magazines are showing you nothing but image after image of cut, veiny men with swimmers builds with women draped all over them like fur stoles, but women actually like a far wider range of body types than we’d think.
And it may also throw light on why men strive so aggressively for higher income and assertively negotiate for raises, “because income affects not only their ability to pay for dates but also their likelihood of attracting a partner.” The fashion industry rarely focuses on advertising clothes to plus-size women and one major Harvard University study recently found that men are four times more likely to negotiate pay than women.
“What really surprised us was just how substantial this difference was between men and women,” says David Frederick, assistant professor in health psychology at Chapman University and a co-author of the study.
The study was conducted by researchers at Chapman University in Orange, Calif., and is due to be published in the January 2016 edition of the peer-reviewed academic journal “Personality and Individual Differences.” The researchers interviewed people in an online questionnaire about qualities they find important in a partner.
And the most common answer is: “I worry that I’m too fat to date.” I’ll be honest: I’m not surprised. According to the Center for Disease Control, 69% of adults 20 years old and over are overweight and 35% are considered obese.
And yet even when the number of people who are considered overweight form the majority of the population, obesity is in many ways one of the remaining acceptable prejudices.
Besides, the best revenge is living well and there’s nothing quite like seeing the underdog succeed despite all of his or her disadvantages. The cognitive dissonance Now, I’m going to be blunt: dating can suck when you’re fat.