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If I’m on the right track here (and I’m not sure that I am so take this for the informed but certainly not authoritative speculation that it is), you might profitably consult with a neuropsychologist, and a psychiatrist or neuropsychiatrist (which would be a psychiatrist who has specialized in neuroscience as well as conventional psychiatric pharmacology).
The neuropsychologist would be able to offer you tests which could establish how your attentional functioning compares to the normal population.
What would seem to be a simple difficulty handling multiple demands on your attention and time is not so simple for you however, given how pervasively modern society requires people to multitask.
When faced with competing demands on your attention, you end up feeling overwhelmed and become paralyzed in a significant way. Naturally, you want to avoid the rather awful feeling of being stressed, and so you avoid situations that have stressed you in the past.
Most people don’t have any choice but to reorient their attention to the adjacent conversation when they hear their name there.
In each case, the other conversation is filtered out of attention at an early stage so that it becomes the background, and the attended-to conversation becomes the figure (e.g., that thing attended to).
There isn’t any single clear diagnostic category that is leaping out at me when I read over what you’ve submitted. The obvious part of your issue is the anxiety and overwhelm part, but there is something causing that overwhelm, which would appear to be some sort of sensory or attentional issue.
Is my current state a mental illness in and of itself, or could it be a symptom of a known mental illness, or is there an option I’m not thinking of? Is it just that some people are not cut out for the fast-paced modern American lifestyle?
I don’t come from a slower time or simpler way of life — I am 23, have always been around fast-paced computers, city life and multitasking, and have always had problems with it.
Your problem appears when you are required to split your attention across competing demands, and when you are confronted with the unfamiliar.
You could be having a problem with shifting your attention from focus to focus.
The psychiatrist could, if he or she thought it useful and indicated, potentially offer you medication which could help adjust how your attention functions.